Nothing Gay from Hallmark for Christmas

This almost has to been seen to be believed: Hallmark has released a new ornament featuring a Christmas sweater on a hanger that says “Don we now our fun apparel”.

Yeah, those aren’t the words.

The century-old privately owned $5 billion specialty retailer included the above ornament in their 2013 Keepsake ornaments collection, and now they’re finding they have to defend their decision to change the five-hundred year old lyrics.

“When the lyrics to ‘Deck the Halls’ were translated from Gaelic and published in English back in the 1800s, the word ‘gay’ meant festive or merry,” Hallmark’s Kristi Ernsting told The Huffington Post in an email. “Today it has multiple meanings … the trend of wearing festively decorated Christmas sweaters to parties is all about fun, and this ornament is intended to play into that, so the planning team decided to say what we meant: ‘fun.’”

This politically correct twisting of Christmas carols is nothing new. Can you name these other festive Christmas tunes that have been…modernized?

1. Divine natal celebration devoid of color as a hallucinatory phenomenon for me
2. Precious metal musical devices
3. Venison with vermillion olfactory appendage
4. Do you perceive the same vibrations that stimulate my auditory sense organ?
5. Vehicular homicide committed on Dad’s mom by a precipitous darling
6. Frosty the Snowperson
7. I’ll Be Home for a Short Period of Time in December
8. O Holiday Tree
9. Have Yourself a Merry Little Day of Winter
10. Higher Power Rest Ye Merry Gentlepersons

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